What is Inner Relationship Focusing (IRF)?

Describing focusing in words can only offer a glimpse; it is, at heart, an experiential practice. The true essence of IRF can only be understood through direct experience. With frequent practice, the process deepens. It’s a process that cultivates presence and that connection to ourselves, and within us is that something that is much bigger than just us. It could be termed source.

The Focusing Technique is known by various names.

·       Inner Relationship Focusing (IRF)

·       Thinking at the Edge (TAE)

·       Somatic Experiencing or Somatic Therapy

At its core, IRF involves gently turning inward—into the body, into nature itself—and sitting with what is called a “felt sense.” This felt sense might manifest as butterflies in the stomach, a subtle tightness in the solar plexus, or any sensation that arises in the present moment. In IRF, you can choose to simply be with what emerges, or you may bring a particular issue to mind. When you do, your body offers up a felt sense that encompasses the entirety of that issue.

Focusing was discovered by Eugene Gendlin (December 25, 1926 – May 1, 2017). When I say “discovered,” I mean this process has always existed—it simply needed someone with a curious mind to notice it, question it, observe it, give it a name and share a workable method of connecting with it (a felt sense).

Gendlin’s fascination with the nature of time led him to study philosophy at the University of Chicago, where he joined Carl Rogers’ psychotherapy training. Through careful observation, Gendlin noticed clients who had positive outcomes in psychotherapy shared a unique ability: they could slow down and allow words to surface from a deeper place within. There was a vitality—a sense of something fresh and alive—that unfolded during this process. Some clients even gestured towards their bodies, indicating this was the source of their emerging words.

From these observations, Gendlin developed a six steps method to guide individuals into their bodies, to accompany them and reflect their felt experiences. Focusing today has evolved from the six step method and through its very nature is a never ending and ever-changing dynamic process.

When we give these felt senses our attention, we enter into our internal world of nature, as we are a part of nature.  This is the realm of presence, unconditional love, endless creative possibilities, truth and so much more. This image below describes my experience. I can step forward into my external reality and what I notice is its mostly head energy; it’s the world of doing, it’s noisy and there’s lots of conditioning around expectations of us, as in, what others think we should be/do in the world. We have been conditioned to be a certain way through parenting, education, family dynamics and through relationships with others. Then there’s the absolute opposite, which is IRF. It feels like I take a step back into myself, into my internal world. Here I’m in the world of presence, it’s quiet, unassuming and truth. I’m sitting in the non-conceptual space that’s beneath thought, and I get to see myself without judgment from the mind. I am aware of these parts of myself, for example, the part that doesn’t want to be seen. The more I sit with my parts, I become aware of how other people’s parts play out in relationship with my own.

Internal world vs External world

This space is gentle, kind, and loving—a special place to spend time. I feel good when I focus. It’s where I get to learn about myself and nature and in an embodied way of knowing, they are one and the same. I understand that there are parts of myself that simply want to be accepted and heard, and when this happens, they tend to settle, rather than drive the bus. I notice how I change with IRF: I become softer and kinder to me. When I sit with whatever arises, and it releases, it feels as though I’m a little closer to my authentic self. I’m also aware that when I give myself unconditional love in my internal world, it will be reflected in the external world too. Magic!

Our various parts of ourselves below the conscious mind

Nature does not run on logic and reason like the mind does. Its language is metaphors, images, words and symbols - the language of the universe: an archetypal language. When we sit within ourselves (nature), she teaches us her ways, but not through the mind. It’s an embodying of information; it’s an indisputable knowing that emerges from the depth of our being. I understand the importance of lineage in a way I didn’t previously. I now appreciate the foundations that homeopathy has been built upon, which I knew and understood from a head level, but now it’s an embodied way knowing. A truth, a indisputable fact. There’s science in the external world, and then there’s sacred science in nature - these two couldn’t be further apart.  

Focusing is gentle, passive and kind. When we get beneath the conceptual mind - into the non-conceptual space, we encounter delicate parts of ourselves that are wounded, protective, shy, sad and more. We can sit with these parts like they are wounded animals, giving them space and time. All they want is to be heard but only when we create a sense of safety - and that is what IRF provides. It’s kind of magical really!

Some benefits of focusing:

·       Gaining awareness about nature, sacred science & ancestral wisdom

·       Insights and awarenesses through images, metaphors, words and symbols

·       Increases presence and the cultivation of heart centred energy

·       Problem solving and creating solutions that didn’t exist before focusing

·       Increased connection to self, heightened awareness and a strengthening of one’s intuition

·       Becoming more in tune with nature and its rhythms

·       Focusing teaches the importance of being vs doing; taking time out allows wisdom to arise

·       It brings those that are disconnected into their bodies gently and carefully

·       Letting go of those parts that do not serve us

·       A gentle and safe way to access deeply held traumas and releases emotions

·       Brings deeper meaning to our lives as our connection to something much larger than ourselves is strengthened

·       When emotions and feelings arise in the moment, we have a new way of just being with them in a calm and grounded way.

·       Increases attentiveness in daily life. Very good for those that struggle with inattentiveness – which ultimately is a fear of the present moment!

Focusing options

·       Focusing can be done alone by sitting with a felt sense in the body and letting it unfold. I often focus in the mornings upon waking and at night before sleep. This is a great first step to becoming more body-aware (embodied).

·       Focusing can be done in pairs with a focusing practitioner, such as myself. The energy is intensified when two people come together to focus. One person focuses and the practitioner companions the focuser, holding space and gently reflecting what is said. The focuser then takes those words back inwards and notices how they land. This strengthens your connection to yourself. The unfolding of the felt sense is much quicker in pairs, and the presence is stronger.

·       The third option is to take a focusing course. Afterwards, you can pair up with someone from the course or join a Changes group online. A focusing partnership usually takes place weekly, with both participants taking it in turns to focus, whilst the other companions. A regular focusing partnership can turn into something quite special.

·       We can also focus in circle. One person leads the group and reflects anything that is shared. This can be powerful and the focusing usually goes very quickly.

·       Focusing can also be done in nature (ecotherapy). If one has built up quite a bit of presence, then a sort of merging with nature happens.

I have felt drawn to focus in nature leading up to the winer equinox. I sensed that’s what my body wanted from me. Generally, just being in nature is restorative however with the added benefit of focusing and the energy of the winter equinox, it felt like I was in the energy of endless possibilities. I was immersed in the ‘life supporting’ essence of nature. During focusing it seemed like nature came alive around me. I could feel an energetic trail left by a bird flying overhead and sensed another bird come by me and speak its beautiful song as if from nowhere. I know of other focuser’s who have experienced connections with birds.

I have practiced much meditation over the years and still do the occasional course, however, the focusing process has so much more to offer. I don’t say that lightly as I love meditation; rather, it’s based upon what I’ve experienced since starting to focus 5 or so years ago. Focusing takes us in our bodies, not out there. We are spirit having a human experience, so let’s embrace being fully embodied whilst we are here and reap the benefits that embodiment brings.

If you are feeling pulled to experience IRF then there’s a couple of options. I hold IRF circles weekly online which take place during term time on a Monday night at 7pm. Or you can book a 1:1 session with me and I will guide you through your process. This takes an hour.

I am a creative, inspirer, a sharer of knowledge and a homeopath, a focusing practitioner, a circle work facilitator, nervous system mapper, lover of the work of Byron Katie, and a dedicated warrior on the spiritual path. I’m aware of the negative self talk that goes on in one’s head and the more space I can create around my thoughts the better person I am on this planet.