What is Inner Relationship Focusing?

Describing IRF in words can only offer a glimpse; it is, at heart, an experiential practice. The true essence of IRF can only be understood through direct experience, and with continued practice, the process deepens, as presence increases.

The Focusing Technique is known by various names.

·       IRF (Inner Relationship Focusing)

·       Thinking at the Edge (TAE)

·       Somatic Experiencing or Somatic Therapy

At its core, IRF involves gently turning inward—into the body, into nature itself—and sitting with what is called a “felt sense.” This felt sense might manifest as butterflies in your stomach, a subtle tightness in your solar plexus, or any sensation that arises in the present moment. In IRF, you can choose to simply be with whatever emerges, or you may bring a particular issue to mind. When you do, your body often offers a felt sense that encompasses the entirety of that issue.

Focusing was discovered by Eugene Gendlin (December 25, 1926 – May 1, 2017). When I say “discovered,” I mean that this process has always existed—it simply needed someone with a curious mind to notice it, question it, observe it, give it a name and share a workable method of focusing.

Gendlin’s fascination with the nature of time led him to study philosophy at the University of Chicago, where he joined Carl Rogers’ psychotherapy training. Through careful observation, Gendlin noticed that the clients who had positive outcomes in psychotherapy shared a unique ability: they could slow down and allow words to surface from a deeper place within themselves. There was a vitality—a sense of something fresh and alive—that unfolded during this process. Some clients even gestured toward their bodies, indicating that this was the source of their emerging words.

From these observations, Gendlin developed a six steps method to guide individuals into their bodies, to accompany and reflect their felt experiences.

When we give these felt senses our attention, we enter into our internal world of nature.  This is the realm of presence, unconditional love, endless creative possibilities, truth and so much more. This image below describes my experience. I can step forward into my external reality and what I notice is its very much head energy; it’s the world of doing, it’s noisy and there’s lots of conditioning around expectations of us, as in what others think we should be/do in the world. Then there’s the absolute opposite, which is IRF. What I feel is that I take a step back into myself, into my internal world. Here I’m in the world of presence, which is quiet, unassuming and truth. I’m sitting in the non-conceptual space that’s beneath thought, and I get to see myself without the judgment of the mind. The more I sit with my parts I become aware of how other people’s parts play out in relationship with my own.

Internal world vs External world

This space is gentle, kind, and loving—a special place to spend time. I feel good when I focus. It’s where I get to learn about myself and nature, realising they are the same thing in an embodied way of knowing. I understand that there are parts of myself that simply want to be accepted and heard, and when this happens, they tend to settle rather than drive my bus. I notice how I change with IRF: I become softer and kinder to me. When I sit with whatever arises, and it lets go or releases, it feels as though I’m a little closer to my authentic self. I’m also aware that when you give yourself unconditional love in your internal world it will become reflected in the external world too. Magic!

Our various parts of ourselves below the conscious mind

Nature does not run on logic and reason like the mind does. Its language is metaphors, images, words and symbols - the language of the universe: an archetypal language. When we sit within ourselves (nature), she teaches us her ways, but not through the mind. It’s an embodying of information; it’s an indisputable knowing that emerges from the depth of our being. I understand the importance of lineage in a way I didn’t previously didn’t. I now appreciate the foundations that homeopathy is built upon which I knew and understood from a head level but now it’s an embodied awareness. There’s science in the external world, and then there is sacred science in nature - these two couldn’t be further apart.  

Focusing is gentle, passive and kind. When we get beneath the conceptual mind - into the non-conceptual space, we encounter delicate parts of ourselves that are wounded, protective, shy, sad and more. We can sit with these parts like they are wounded animals, giving them space and time. All they want is to be heard in a safe environment - and that is what IRF provides. It’s kind of magical really!

Some benefits of focusing:

·       Gaining awareness about nature, sacred science and ancestral wisdom

·       Insights and awarenesses through images, metaphors, words and symbols

·       Increases presence and the cultivation of heart centred energy

·       Problem solving, releasing deep held emotions,

·       Increased connection to self, heightened awareness and a strengthening of one’s intuition

·       Becoming more in tune with nature and its rhythms

·       Teaches the importance of being vs doing; taking time out allows wisdom to arise

·       Brings those that are disconnected into their bodies gently and carefully

·       Letting go of those parts that do not serve us

·       A gentle and safe way to access deeply held trauma

·       Brings deeper meaning to our lives as our connection to something much larger than ourselves becomes more apparent

·       The integration of focusing experiences are slow, gentle and safe and it teaches us that we are in control of our own focusing experience

·       Increases attentiveness in daily life. Very good for those that are inattentiveness  – which ultimately is a fear of the present moment!

Focusing options

·       Focusing can be done alone by sitting with a felt sense in the body and letting it unfold. I often focus in the mornings upon waking and at night before sleep. This is a great first step to becoming more body-aware and embodied.

·       Focusing can be done in pairs with a focusing practitioner, such as myself. Two people together focusing means the energy is much stronger. One person focuses and the practitioner companions the focuser, holding space and gently reflecting what is said. The focuser takes those words back inwards and notices how they land. The unfolding of the felt sense is much quicker in pairs, and the presence is stronger.

·       The third option is to take a focusing course. Afterwards, you can pair up with someone from the course or join a Changes group online. A focusing partnership usually takes place weekly, with both participants taking it in turns to focus, whilst the other companions. A regular focusing partnership can turn into something quite special.

·       We can also focus in circle. One person leads the group and reflects anything that is shared. This can be powerful and the focusing usually goes quite quickly.

·       Focusing can also be done in nature (ecotherapy). If one has built up quite a bit of presence, then a sort of merging with nature can happen.

I have felt drawn to focus in nature leading up to the winer equinox. I sensed that’s what my body wanted from me. Generally, just being in nature is powerful but with the added benefit of focusing, I felt the ‘life supporting’ essence of nature. During focusing it seemed like nature came alive around me. I could feel an energetic trail left by a bird flying overhead and sensed another bird come by me and speak to me. I’m know of other focuser’s who have experienced connections with birds.

I have practiced much meditation over the years and still do the occasional course, but the focusing process has so much more to offer. I don’t say that lightly, as I love meditation; rather, it’s based upon what I’ve experienced since starting to focus 5 years ago. Focusing takes us in our bodies, not out there. We are spirit having a human experience, so let’s embrace being fully embodied while we are here and reap the benefits that embodiment brings.

If you are feeling pulled to experience IRF then there’s a couple of options. I hold IRF circles weekly online which take place during term time on a Monday night at 7pm. Or you can book a 1:1 session with me and I will guide you through your process. This takes an hour.

I am a creative, inspirer, a sharer of knowledge and a homeopath, a focusing practitioner, a circle work facilitator, nervous system mapper, lover of the work of Byron Katie, and a dedicated warrior on the spiritual path. I’m aware of the negative self talk that goes on in one’s head and the more space I can create around my thoughts the better person I am on this planet.